strange

Hi,Friends!

After a long silence I have to tell you, what a strange feeling i have nowadays. The truth is, that all is changing around me. I have to be nerveuos, preoccupated about my job at the uni, about the problems occured in my choir, but somehow Im quiet and balanced.May be there is some fatalism in it. Despite all shadows after a long time I sure what I am, what I have to do, Im working very enthusiastic on my next project with orchester, with my friends I shared lot of things in the last years. Beside the orchestration of funny things I keep reading a lot, mostly in spanish, since I have found a website to download whole novels and romans for exemple from Isabel Allende and of course on the web. And I enjoy it as much as I enjoy the development of my kids. At the begining of the sumarholyday I started with joggin and trainig karate again. The result is 20 kg weightloss, hart musculs less smoking. I have the shape of my twentieth. So, Friends, let you start too!

summer, work, sadness

Hi,Friends!

It is not too easy to make a summary about the time I did not write anything. First I must admit, I enjoy my holyday although had to survive summer jam, tempest and sometimes had to heat in my house becouse my mother has frosen. I am working on my doctoral thesis and beside that, despite the last bad season of my choir, I got lot of invitations to conduct during the autum, may be we will take part on a festival in Istambul in november, so I think I have good possibilities. Last week happend something I can't manage. After moving to this house we got a nice little dog, we gave her the name Sarah. In the last few weeks we realized that she is ill and her statement was getting wronger and wronger, so we, evoiding her further suffering, decided to let her die. We take her to the doctor for the final injection.My God! No more such a terrible experience!I could not imagine, how deep inpacted in my heart this lost. Or may be I am too sentimental...My kids dont know that yet, they are coming home from he trainigs camp, they shoud be very exausted, hungry, I miss them very mutch and dont know how could I tell them...

Disappointed

Hi, Friends!

With my childish naivety I supposed that as the end of the schoolyear approches I'll have less and less to do. But it have not been so.You can see it, since about a month haven't writen. I have yet bad temper but it isn't related to the things mentioned above. Unfortunatly there are more other things annoying me.First I have to talk about some family-affairs although I am not sure it would be polite ore gentlemanlike to share them. It about the parents of my wive. It is quite painful how the stinky and outworn habits and ways of thinking ruled my country between the two worldwars survive and grow and demolish our social life nowadays, and all shit concentrated in the life and problems of my mother-in-low and father-in-low.Their parents and belonge to the higher tenthousend.One came from a noble strain the other from a rich german merchant family.Both are infected with the most malicious thoughts ever existed, racisme, antisemitisme, hate and disdain against the poor and the intellektuels, although my wive's father is engineer, moreover a very talanted and creativ one.Dispite his profession he is involved in right-extremist motions, sticks racist propaganda on the train, throwes eggs on peaple whom thought they are homosexual, prepare himself for execution of all communist and liberarian, jewish, gipsy etc.I am angry and very anxious for my children, becouse such thoughts are very contagious for young man.The fact that they doesn't appreciate me, my job/I'm university professor/, my kids I couldn't care, if I had not seen how high is the respect of my arabian brother-in-low, wo is a real criminal, islamic fundamentalist, brutal ox.It is true, with me one can not hate and chide jewish. My mother-in-low is another case. She is so stupid and illitzerate, but thinks she have the right to involve herself in our life. She have not been working for more then 15 years, hipochondric, latent drinker.Do not think, I am speeking about them behinde the back of my wive, she faced and realized the things, we use to speak about, however, they are her parents, it is not to easy to bear it. Since my wive works often on weekend her mother dicided to help us. In fact that means she comes, invade the kitchen and order all of us what to do, how to do, when to do. And mostly that time we have to be together finaly and does not need her help at all. Beside that I am not the gay, or sort of either who tolerate this kind of "help". Morning she gona come again. I am loading the gun.....

I love computer

Hi Friends,
Could somebody tell me, how could happen more times, that our university local network simply forget my username and password and ignore my entries, the notes I have given to my students? I thought I have alredy finished my administration duties and yet have to start again. God, have mercy upon me!!!!

fun

Hi, Friends,

Reading my favourite blogs I found a post talking about Jaquelin du Pré and made a comment. It is the second time that the replay contained hungarian tenses. It is entirely nice and gentle and made my day better. Sometimes I get more kindness this way than from people who say I like you, I love you.And now lets talk about the last weekend. On thursday I felt sic, I thought, guy, you have to stay at home, no, swimming, no gardening, no good temper.The rehearsal thursday evening made the things worse. And finaly all turned better. Saturday afternoon we visited Eszter's cousin, who have two sweet kids. As mines had national competition, in kayaking I had to play with the kids. Doing that I was thinking about, how much time I waisted during the years for my currier, job, relationships in that i was pushing in becouse of the problems of my marrige and my owne vagabound spirit.Sunday both my kids ask me for help. I was so happy. I noticed the sighns that approching the time they wont need my present and parental touch. My doughter needed to talk about the musical classicism.Well, it was the first time I tought her as an adult, as a university student. I told her the life of the main composers, played excerps of simphonies, sringquartets, sonatas.We made harmonical analysis and tride to sing recitativos and arias of various operas. Well, i think both enjoyed it very mutch. The most interesting thing i noticed her interest for Mozart's life.We used to watch movies together and her favourite movie was Amadeus. And came my sun asking me to accompagne him with the piano. He plays a Vivaldi cello-concerto and I did it with pleasure. Since I had a sore throat my official wife had the opportunity to tell me all the things hurting her and I was not able to make objections. And since her only way to relax is sleeping a lot, we have an unexpected calm weekend. Well, Friends, my positiv energie keep on shining, so let me know, if you need some!!!!

I am here again

Hi, Friends!

Thinking about the things happend in the last few weeks I realized how difficult to resume them.Well, lets try!I worked a lot.Had concerts with my girls/ female choir/ with an unexpected succes. Although we won a price in 2007 I had to start from the zero with them, becouse the staff is changing. You have to plan minimum for a year forward without to know nothing about skills of the new singers will come. It is exciting but a bit like a jump in the dark. One thing was sure, I had to change the repertoire opening towards the popular music.We, hungarian, call the poplular music as "könnyű zene", Light or simple music, but from he point of wiew of the performer it is not simple, ore light. For example you see a movie like Saint Trinians /this movie is a comedy about a very strange girl's school, and in his own is a shit/ with a very attractive title music.If you try to perform the song with your even very best staff you notice that they have not the suitable voice quality and they are lack of the flexible and improvisativ way of pop or jazz singing. You can sugest them to hear more similar music, but they are doing that continously caring not about the artisitic questions. It remains one chance, you have to show them, sing for, what to do.And you realize, that you are not a Freddy Mercury and Celine Dion either. And there is another problem.Rehearsing the songs I said, girls you have to charm your audience, ,convict them, you are the most misterious and charming women in the world. They did not understand. I hear them talking about their boyfriends and sexuality very open or even thoroughly, but somehow they can't reproduce that in their singing and scenic behavior. Thats why I was so surprized that the last concert was frenetic, beside the classical choir song all the popular arrangements was excelent. I think,we did a big step forward.
Well, I must not forget to talk about my last reading experience. As a birthday present I got a book of Isabel Allende in spanish version.Since I have been returning from Mexico I am crazy for Latin-America. I started again to refresh my spanish, read blogs and books. The first one I red was Amor en el tiempo de colera of Marquez, and I have just finished De amor y de sombra by Isabel Allende.Uhhhh!As child I heard about the tragical events happened in Chile during the time of Pinochet. Hungary as a part of the soviet block expressed his solidarity and opened the doors for refugies. Reading blogs of different latin-american authors I faced again the problem of military dictaturas of the 70. For instant an argentinian wrote, her grandparents and an uncle desappaired, probably asassinated during few days. And I got this book de Allende. Here in Hungary we had also a difficult time in 1944 and than between 1948 and 1956. But the brutality and cruelty that Isabel Allende talking about shocked me entirelly. I enjoyed very much her style of writing but it could not be a shadowless enjoy becouse of the thema. I decided to try to ask my friends from latin-america their opinion and his personal experiences. Most Fancy whoes blog I follow but only yesterday have discovered, that she is chilena. I hope I can visit Buenos Aires next year, I am looking foreward very much.

Eastern, relaxation, greeneyed monster

Hi, Friends!

I can even not explain, how exellent was the time I spent freely around the Eastern-holyday. For a longe time I have not been hanging on so mutch with my kids. Kid? I realized that my doughter is a bit taller then me, my sun wears shoes two size bigger then mines . Hmmm. Only two things has brought shadow over my horizont. The first one is my mother-in-low, who has the nesty habit to appear unexpected in my house beliving the she had the right to rule oure timetable. And you must keep a nice face just to avoid further disputings. Since she hase been falling out with her another doughter, who has an arabien husband and alredy six (!!!!) kids and wearing chador, she realized that she has another grandchildren too and going to flout all her kindness on oure family. This year she prepared me a special birthday's cake as well, although my birthday is difficult to forget, because we were born the same day, the ninth of april ( how ironic ). Altogether she is the idol who the various mother-in-low-jokes come from. The second problen was, I beared it with an unexpected calm, the jelousy my official wife, in that I am not absolutly innocent, but we aggried, that this paifull time I had moved out and we had almost divorced won't be mentioned day by day, moreover never. Despite that I noticed that the in and out calls and the messages was checked in my cellphone. It is so paifull and ironic, because most of the calls came from my students refering on the test i am going to do next week. And because I teach in a teachers training college, 99 percent of my student are young women. So, I mangaged to know nothing, to realize nothing. I have done all to keep my good temper. I enjoyed better the novells of Woody Allen readnig together with my douther in english. Ohh, how much we was laughing at.And yet I have to think about my duties to come in the next mouth and try not to neglect so long my lovely blog.

Half drunken,dreaming

My first concert for this week is done.I can not say absolutly well done.There was mistakes,but I think after so few rehearsaltime it was unexpected good.The girls of my choir have done their best.So I am hanging on drinking beer watching one of my favourite movies,Excalibur with Wagner's music.I think our life so dreamless,illusionless,whithout childish hopes.Our life is based on ratio but our soul is yearning for supernatural.Being so drunken I see it so clear and bright but morning I'll be sober and comes the cold reign of two times two.

I feel I'm getting older

The thursday night I spent in the hospital. It seems I have gravel, stones in my kidnies, and this tiny ones started their wandering in my ureter. The result is unbaerable pain. My wife did not take it serious at first, than later, seeing that my face getting greener and greener called the emergency. Since about 10 years I haven't been in hospital and don't want to go back. There was a point of time I felt I gona die and the pictures of my life turned for my eyes like last time running against us this big fett lorry with whole speed. I haven't any fear of death, better of suffer, but I felt an enormous anxiousness about my kids. Who will care about them when I don't exist anymore.I think i'm getting older. Now I'm all right. The young doctor said I have to drink a lot and the bier is one of the best to piss out the stones. Hmmm, good news! This all was only a coronation of the strange things I survived in the last few days. I dont know why, I was so confused and fallen apart. Tuesday I had reharsal with my female choir at the uni. The last one befor the concert next week. And missed a lot of singers, becouse they had faculty eve and had to be there. Despite my sanguinic temper held the rehearsal without a bad remark, even I faced again the fact that somebody fucked my work from pure carelessness. Beeing angry and exhausted I accepted an invitation to go to a pub. After having consumed countles vodka-beer combos the life was nice again. On wednesday went all good, till my collegue said with a resignated smile: Hey guy, please don't close the door with key from outside when you leave, and I am still inside. You have done it three times last day. My God!And on thursday I felt so tired, this semester I have a terrible timetable. Thursday I have only one lecture from 11 pm. That's why I decided to take spanish lessons befor I start. My teacher is very simpatic but a bit hypohondric. Today I had a strange story with an unknown gay. Searching for modern spanish texts on the web I discovered a very interesting blog of an argentinian women. She is musician an teacher of lenguages an working in theaters too. She wrote about hungarian writers like Márai, anlizing even very expectaculary his works. I made her a comment saying I am so glad, that this hungarian artist are so popular and wellknown I could not imagine befor I didn't know that so much tranlations were made.I used the werb imaginarse, that does not mean I havn't got any idea, better I didn't think. A new comment came not from her but from this stupid gay saying, how ridiculous that I, beeing obviously hungarian, dont know about the spanish tranlations of Márai's work, and all his friends are crazy for them. But I the poor stupid devil don't know that. I got so angry. I know this kinde of inteligence, they think themselves shiting the moon, pocessing all the secrets of the world. I replayed and may be very viciously. Hey gay, the works of Márai was on black list after the second world war, his books published earlier was removed from all bookstores and public libraries. It was a crime with serious followings to import one of them published abroad. I got it at first as a present from a friend living in imigration since years in 1989. And the official and free publication of Márai's work started only in 1992.That means that generations grew up without to hear anything about this writer, even he has ever existed. And I said be glad, boy, that you wasn't born behinde the Iron Curtain, whether you ever knew what is it like. I hate people like this.

a sighn for eternity

Hey, Fox!

I received a mail from a friend. I opened the attachment and what did I see? The local newspaper made a whole columbe interwiew about my university. And who damned is seen at the photo?A guy with longue hair, wearing martens boot, palestinian showl, with a celló on his back, smoking and chatting with young women, directly beside the board "smoking prohibited". Hey! It is me!Well, Fox, let me introduce myself. I am the new trademark and face of the university!Well, Sitting Bull, the wise indian chief fight with his sharp tomahowk against the conventions.
Do I laugh or do I cry?

third busy weekend

It was my third weekend I had to cook, treat my sic family members.Although it doesn't hurt my masculin pride, it was enough. I have two important concerts at the begining of april, I have a lot of to do, befor concerts use to. Fortunatly I can live continously in lack of sleeping beside that I developed a special way to learn and exercize without to play piano, or sing a loud sound, only watching the scores. That time I look like someone out of reality, The world is entirelly closed out. Sometimes when I get tired this statement turns to a thinking about the big questions of our existence. Since my kids approched the gate of the adulty I think usually of my life, who and what I am, what I wanted to be, just to save them from the mistakes, traps and frauds I had faced. All parents hope that his kids inherit only their good caracteristics. But I dont think so. For example beside the musical talent my daughter, Roni has the same strong drive to wandering, traveling, to accept all challenges, to try heaven end hell, made my life sometimes terribly difficult.

Last time she asked me often to tell stories from my teens and the time of the uni. And I did. Last months she participated in a piano competition. In the jury was Ami, my former girlfriend and love from the highschool. After Roni had played Ami went to her and introduced herself, said gratulations. And mentioned, thinking to be funny, that we had been together for two year. My daughter came home saying, Dad, I cant imagine how could you be with such an ugly, awfull selfish, stupid women. Selfish, ok. Stupid and awfull doesn't match. I was surprised, moreover shocked.
I think I have to be more careful....

why not?

I trided to write to Fancy asking her to accept my subsriptiton as a follower her blog, but whithout any succes. I tried to comment it as well. I hope she'll take a look on my site.
Hola Fancy!Me gusta mucho tu estilo de escribir, aunque he encontrado tu blog por coincidente. Gratulaciones!

hi there!

This site dedicated to my friends of different poles of the world, for Manu, Mario, Ildiko, Christian, Jorge, Maxi, Marcal and the others beiing very close to my heart. Of course it is not a subtitution of personal messages, they will come time to time depending on how busy I am. So fox enjoy the ride!